Thursday, September 15, 2011

Sexuality in today's world

Since I am kind of exploring issues, which I am reading elsewhere,  and because I really don't want to write about Perry or the other right wing candidates for the Republican nomination, because it's just too depressing, here's another what I'd call human interest that impacts our culture for how we see it.

This is a tough one for me as I am offended that a girl that age would go to a party, get drunk, go off with some boys to a room by herself, go for petting and then yell rape when penetration happens. I am also offended that a boy would get drunk, play with a girl but then not accept no meant no and stop right when the girl said it even if she had been a tease. My viewpoint on this is probably colored by my old age. I can relate to this story more from my experiences in the past than what it might be like in today's culture.

I taught my son, when we were discussing sexuality in his teen years (over 20 years ago now) that if he was to be making out with a girl, going too far, and at any point she said no, that meant stop right there. Never see that girl again if she was playing a game with turning him on and then off; but stop.

I taught my daughter (she's older than him) you do not go into a party and get drunk with a lot of other drunk people as that's just plain not smart. You don't play around with sexuality with any boy unless you mean it and know where it's going. It's mean to go so far and then stop if that hasn't been made clear in the beginning.

My father taught me you don't tease men because it's not only a vicious thing to do, a power game for women, but might lead to consequences you don't want. He always said dressing too provocatively was the same way but remember that was then and today it's hard to find clothing for young women that isn't provocative. His take on that was you might turn a man on by what you wore and it won't be you he goes after; so you use modesty for the sake of all women not just yourself.

Are these antiquated attitudes for today?

It is quite possible this boy would have never had any repercussions if he had not been black, as some are accusing, and she had not been white; but to me this one does not sound like an issue of race. It seems more likely to be one where sports heroes are given more latitude to do things than anybody else. In little towns, those sports teams are everything and the good players are heroes no matter what they do. That viewpoint has created some real monsters in the sports world because they are let get away with anything. That's not okay.

It also seems wrong for the school and community to have tormented the girl after the fact. She used poor judgment but the boys did too. Teaching young people about sexuality is important and unfortunately a lot of righties want it all done in the home but some homes won't teach it-- what then?


OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I guess I am antiquated too, Rain---if that is really an accurate description. Just a few days ago there was a picture of an actress on The Red Carpet--and her Boobs were HUGE and just about popping out of her dress like rwo melons---Seriously! I found that rather disgusting looking---And at the same time I realized I am from a time when women with HUGE breasts were getting Breast Reduction Surgery. But, talk about provocative. It does seem that we live in a time when anything goes where women's clothing is concerned...pretty soon, maybe going completely topless will be acceptable...I don't know, but I feel very out of touch with what is right and wrong where sexuality is concerned in today's world. I really feel like an old fogey because I don't get who's responsability it is anymore, if I ever did. I guess I seem to agree with your father in many respects. I do think what you taught your son and daughter were really good things---But, are they still relevent today with all the drugs that young people use? How can anyone have any judgement about what they are doing if they are stoned or drunk. I'm glad I don't have to try to teach any children anything about all this today. I wouldn't know where to begin.

Ingineer66 said...

I think you gave your kids good advice. No always means no, even if the girl is naked. But many girls get themselves into bad situations and don't always say no when alcohol is involved and sometimes then try to cry rape. It devalues the actual rape cases.